continuing

so - taking up where I left off

For a few years the pills worked pretty well. We used, at various times, Viagra, Cialis and Levitra. I think Viagra worked best for us in terms of reliability, but we liked Cialis because it stayed in the body a while and allowed some spontaneity. However, none of these was 100% reliable and, after a time, they ceased to work much at all.

We started seriously thinking about the implant option probably about two years ago, maybe a bit more. I think it was my wife who initially brought it up after doing some research on ED and actually seeing a video posted by some doctor on the treatment. My urologist also told me it was the most reliable solution. But, he suggested, and I concurred, that we try less invasive solutions first.

We first went with the pump idea. That’s the one where you use a vacuum pump to basically inflate the penis and then put a constrictive rubber band around it to maintain the erection. After some practice, I was able to get a pretty good erection this way, actually. However, it felt totally unnatural to both of us – my wife said it was like having sex with a cold sausage – and allowed no spontaneity at all. No Good. We tried the injections as well. (Caverject). Again, it actually worked reasonably well in producing a serviceable erection, but my penis would hurt for some hours afterwards and, again, no spontaneity at all. In addition, the erection was not all that great. I was told we could try other formulations that might work better, but the downsides of the injection approach just didn’t work for either of us.

I want to say that during this long period of looking for a solution, we continued to enjoy sex. We have had successful intercourse maybe 3 times in the last 4 or more years as of this moment, but sex is still great fun. My wife is very much my partner, and we just use other ways to enjoy and satisfy one another. So, what’s really the issue here? Basically, it’s the lack of that really deep intimacy that comes with intercourse. And, let’s be honest, there are a great many things that are very erotic and satisfying that simply can’t be done without an erection and we both miss them very much. Even with the constant problems of ED over the years, we’ve enjoyed great sex and intercourse has been part of that. We both want that back.

So we decided to go forward with the implant.

Now, I have to be honest here and say that I put it off somewhat because I was frankly afraid. This is a permanent change. Can’t be undone. I will never have a natural erection again. In spite of all the information (which, as I said before, was kind of limited from a real life experience viewpoint) I was given which said everything would feel normal and natural afterwards, I had trouble with that idea. What would it mean to how our sex life actually worked? What about masturbation – would that be “normal”? (Yes, everyone does that now and then). What about going to the bathroom? What if I was one of those very rare cases that became infected? What would happen then? What happens when it wears out in 15 years? It also bothered me a little that all the liturature said I would lose some length in the erection. Didn't bother me a lot, but a little.

And then there was the operation itself. I have been lucky enough to have never been seriously ill or injured in my life. I’ve never been in the hospital except for a handful of minor ER type situations. I’ve never even broken a bone. I’ve never been put under anesthesia, which really did bother me. What would it really be like? How much would it hurt?

But, at the end of the day, I miss that intimacy, eroticism and deeper satisfaction in our sex life so much…